Can't Pretend
by xxPeppermintxx109
Summary: "I guess that's love, I can't pretend, I can't pretend." Tom Odell, Can't Pretend. She is one of the most feared humans alive. But she wants…no craves more power. And him? Oh he's the same. She's almost fully transitioned, but him? He needs a little more of a push. And with him being her key to power, she'll definitely give him the push he needs.
1. Prologue

**_A/N: Welcome to my first Star Wars fanfic! I'm extremely excited about this fic because it is something that I have thought about deeply. At first I was like, "Meh I can't do that. I have Take Me and ASWD. I have so much that I still have to do." But I finally decided after seeing SW:TFA a fourth time (don't judge), I wanted to write this fanfic. I hate the idea of Reylo, so this ain't one of those stories. Sorry, but Rey and Finn are better together (even if I find Finn to be utterly annoying at points yet adorable at others). This is my attempt at a KyloxOC story. So I hope y'all enjoy it._**

 ** _Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars nor anything made by George Lucas, so sadly I am still a broke college student instead of a millionaire mastermind. I do however own my OC, which I_** **_take_** **_pride in._**

 ** _Second Author's Note at bottom, important too!_**

* * *

 **Prologue**

* * *

A figure stalked slowly, a black cape billowing behind them. They were seemingly tall, but a closer look entails heels on bulky boots. It showed the figure was a woman. But that was all that was visible. The cloak covered all other details. It failed to cover one prominent detail though.

Fear.

Fear emanated from every living soul except from the woman with the cape. Fear was literally dripping from the humid air like water. A look around the area showed multiple figures, figures clad in white armor. A white armor that seemed very similar to…stormtrooper armor. Stormtroopers were expendable soldiers who worked with the dark side, based off of the clone troopers of the Republic many years past. They all stood silently and stiffly, none moving a muscle as the woman passed them. Some seemed to let out a breath of relief as she finally passed them, others did not.

A group of what seemed to be locals or natives to the humid terrain, sweat like dogs at the moment. They were used to the humid air, yes, but they had never felt the suffocating fear that they felt right now. No living soul had felt that fear like they did. Though…dead souls had felt that fear before being released from their bodies. It seemed to be something that a soul was gifted before they ceased to breath.

The woman then stopped before the small group of survivors, her cloak swishing to the side slightly as the wind pushed it aside. A hood covered the head but arms, garbed in metal gloves, reached up and pulled the hood down slowly. This action caused her cloak to bunch up at the shoulders and revealed black fabric covering her biceps and shoulders. The metal covered forearms and hands slowly lowered and were once again covered by the now free cape.

The most interesting part however was the fact that metal now gleamed in the sparse light shining down from the canopy of the tall trees. The metal was a dark grey or black, it was hard to distinguish really. It curved elegantly over a head. It was a helmet! Intricate detailing covered the helmet, that was connected to the body with somewhat hidden clasps on the bottom back of the helmet attached to clasps on metal on the neck. The detailing was midnight black and was engraved into the helmet, simple lines that ran in a design. It was beautiful. Well…the part that was visible of course.

"Do you know what death is?" a voice rang out in the pregnant silence that had been created whilst the woman had stalked closer to the group. The most intriguing thing was the sound of the voice. A voice disguiser was obviously being used, as the female voice sounded mechanically deep. It sounded though, if listened to and pondered on, as if the voice was strained and the speaker was in pain. But there was also a tone of collected rage and darkness not quite so hidden.

The woman crouched then, her helmeted head cocked to the side. In front of her stood a child, one who looked at her in pure fear and confusion. Children were like that, following their parents' examples blindly. The woman gave a terrifying chuckle, made even more horrific by the voice disguiser she used. She reached out a metal-gloved hand and rested it on the child's tear-stained cheek. The kid was a little boy, no older than seven years old. Perhaps he was a year or two older. But that did not matter to the woman. She seemed frozen.

Her hand was still against the young boy's cheek. Then, as if she hadn't stopped, she ran her hand down his cheek and under his chin. Her forefinger and thumb grasped of his round chin and pulled his head up so that he was looking directly at her. "You, young one," she spoke quietly, as if she actually cared, "are one I must look at. You are strong with the Force and you have a good heart, it is not that hard to see that." She was speaking outwardly but it seemed as though she was speaking more to herself than anything. Her tone was thoughtful, but…not in a good way.

"But that means _you_ are a _threat_ ," she spoke harshly, venom lacing her voice. She pushed the head of the child back strongly, standing quickly. The sounds of a child crying out filling the area now. She spun around, showing her front appearance. It was utterly terrifying.

The menacing woman wore that same dark metal and black fabric, not an inch of skin exposed. It was not only for practical reasons, but also so no one could know her identity, that much was for sure. The metal covering her body stretched in a weird design. It held two medium straps that covered parts of her shoulders. Both of her breasts were covered, a line on each side marking the end. The middle of her chest and most of her stomach would be exposed if she had not worn the black fabric underneath. A thick, and loosely hanging, brown belt hung on her wide hips. The belt started out thin and then enlarged substantially to the point of covering her entire left hip. Her skirt was cut into three sections, all black smooth fabric. The pieces of material reached the ground if she did not have her heels on. Black material covered the parts of her legs that would not be covered by her knee-high, metal boots. Her outfit was quite scary. But that's exactly what she aimed for.

The front of her mask though…that was the scariest part. The intricate designs were still visible. Though, the openings for the eyes were large and black, two separate spaces. No eyes could be seen behind those large black openings. The mask did not conform to the facial structure of the woman. In fact the only part that showed a sliver of the woman's structure was the fact that the helmet dipped lightly and then steeply cut down around the nose area. Another black opening covered from the bottom of the nose all the way to the chin it seemed. It was a bit wide but still, no skin or features of the face were visible through the blackened opening. Overall, it was damn terrifying to most.

The woman's head turned to the side as she strode towards her regiment of stormtroopers. She seemed to have heard something but just as quickly as her movements of her head had occurred, she was looking towards her regiment once again. "Kill them all," she commanded with an icy tone that somehow escaped through her voice disguiser. She then looked over to a stormtrooper who was taller and bigger than the rest. The trooper had a black cape off of one shoulder and their armor was a shiny grey color. It looked a little like a tin armor.

"Phasma," she said, her eye openings pointed towards the different stormtrooper, "I want you to eliminate the child as quickly as possible. Can't risk him living." Her voice seemed determined and she looked down to the ground for a second.

"Of course, My Lord," Captain Phasma spoke, the voice disguiser on the trademark stormtrooper helmet not able to hide the fact that the captain was a woman. The leader of the group turned her head, no longer entranced by the ground, to watch Phasma take long strides towards the child. The woman watched as the female stormtrooper shouldered her large blaster rifle. A shiver seemed to run down the leader's back as she spun her head quickly. Perhaps she did not wish to watch the death of a young child. Most people were not able to watch such an occurrence much less commit such an act.

The woman did not flinch at the sound of a child's abrupt scream and silence, nor the sound of the natives screaming as bladders ripped through their flesh. In fact, she was perfectly still. She didn't move. She didn't speak. She didn't even breathe. That was never a good sign.

" **Stop**!" she commanded, her voice ringing throughout the clearing. The sound of boasters firing stopped suddenly, each stormtrooper cocking their head questioningly. Even Captain Phasma seemed to hold an inquisitive air around her. The leader seemed to start to shake, anger rolling off of her. Her hands visibly clenched into fists and the sound of metal grating against metal was clear throughout the area. The woman was in a rage and it didn't take a genius to figure that out.

She roared in anger and reached for her belt. Her right hand grasped around a cylindrical object. The object was dark grey in color, much like her helmet. It was made of metal ringlets connecting to one another, much like her metal gloves and boots. It held a small red button near the top of the object. Three prongs were located on each end; each sharp and angled like claws. They were placed expertly to curve inwards and in a triangle configuration. It was a bit medieval-esque in a sense but nonetheless beautiful. Her thumb pressed violently down upon the red button, her hand holding on tightly to the cylindrical part. A long, red beam of light and energy emerged from the top of the object.

It was a lightsaber. More specifically, a sith's lightsaber. The red coloring of the energy beam emitting from the hilt of the weapon showed just how controlled the woman was by hate, anger, and violence. And, if one looked closely, they could see a slight edge of static around the blade part. That was a tell-tale sign of instability in the mind and emotions. For wielders of lightsabers who were not unstable did not have a waver to their weapon. But, this woman had a slight waver. It meant she was not fully unstable, but she could become it at times.

The woman spun her lightsaber around in her hand, the movement causing the weapon to make an ominous sound. It cut through the air and actually cut a little bit into the mud and grass below. She turned her head to the side, pulling her weapon up. She seemed to be casually inspecting it in a mocking way. The red light caused a red tint to overcome her helmet, armor, and clothing. That's when it became obvious that the sky had darkened substantially and dark, ominous clouds had covered the sky. It looked like rain clouds. How fitting really. A dark force comes to this bright planet and suddenly darkness overcomes the once light place.

The woman seemed to think these exact words as she looked up to the sky. An ominous chuckle escaped her helmet as she pulled her weapon down slightly. The red light then began to seem brighter. It was so much more violent looking. So much more… _evil_.

"You…brought…friends?" she asked, obviously angered. Her voice was shaky, even more cold than before. Her lightsaber was shaking, her hand causing it to do so. Her muscles seemed taut. Every muscle in her body seemed tightened at the moment, showing her anger and it seemed…it showed…nervousness? She had given off an air of menace and evil until this moment. Now it was nerves and anger.

"Of course we did," a man spat, causing the woman's head to snap up. The man was older, probably in his mid forties to early fifties. He had darkened skin and peppered hair that was thinning upon his scalp. A thick beard covered his lower jaw. He held bright green eyes that held disdain and hate, both directed towards the shaking woman. "We are located in Resistance space, _Darth Necron_ ," the man spat out, nodding his head towards the woman named Darth Necron.

Darth Necron threw her head back and gave a sharp laugh. She then snapped her head back and stared directly at the man. She threw her left hand up, her fingers curled as if pulling him towards her by the throat. And that's exactly what she did through the power of the Force. She watched as the older man was quickly dragged towards her, his hands grasping at his own neck in obvious shock and pain. His tall and large body stopped short in front of Necron. She then raised her arm up, causing the man's feet to leave the ground as he struggled against her Force choke.

Veins popped out slightly, showing the struggle that the man was putting up as he tried his hardest to breathe fully. "I'm… **not** …some name you can just throw around," Darth Necron hissed. She was obviously pissed that this man had used her name so casually instead of in fear and trembling. She was not used to people tossing around her name as if it was just another name. She clenched her hand even tighter, her head cocked slightly to the side as the man gasped at the sudden pain and harder force. "I am someone to be feared, and you will learn that," she threatened.

She then unclenched her hand and waved it down, freezing the man with his eyes open in the air. Necron then made a swirling motion with her armored hand and this caused the older human to face the group of survivors. A few people lay dead, others had yet to be disposed of. She gave a slight cackle as she stalked towards the group, her head pointed towards the people who had been closer to the man; they were most likely his family. They consisted of a woman, around the same age, with dark hair that was greying slightly at the roots. She had fearful chestnut brown eyes and dark skin to match. Two children (around ten in age probably) huddled near their obvious mother, as they looked identical to both the woman and each other. Three girls to kill, three girls that held the key to this man's heart.

"Lucky you," Necron spoke slowly, reaching the three girls. She watched as the mother seemed to toughen up and stand in front of the twin girls.

"Kill me, but leave my daughters and husband alone," she stated defiantly, looking down at Necron. This caused the evil woman to snort and laugh. She huddled over her stomach for a second, her free hand grasping her belly. She laughed mechanically for a few seconds and sighed as if she had just cried in humor.

"Oh this is great!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms into the air, her weapon illuminating the now dark area. Little droplets of rain began to fall, sporadically and slowly though. She straightened and could not seem to keep the small chuckles quiet for a second. "This right here folks is the epitome of cliché and annoying," she spoke in a bored tone now, pointing her lightsaber right at the chest of the woman. "But it does entail a great show," she spoke, a threat as an undertone.

"And you have the front row seat," she turned towards the frozen man, fear obvious now in his green eyes. Necron slashed diagonally down and a scream pierced the air, before falling silent. The sound of a body colliding with the ground was followed with two young screams and cries. Necron did nothing but look directly at the frozen man, a smirk not visible but obvious. Her body showed the obvious smugness. Pain, anger, sorrow, and hate filled the man's eyes up to the brim. "Oops," she taunted, not moving one bit under the hateful stare.

She spun around quickly, the back of her left hand colliding with the cheek of a person. Necron seemed obviously surprised by the brave act of the taller twin. Though it didn't make her any less annoyed. She watched as the child was thrown a few feet into a tree, as Necron had put in a little more power into her hit even if caught off guard. She didn't even wince as the child cried out in pain. Necron stalked over, bristling with anger, to the crying girl. She pushed a boot into the girl's stomach, eliciting a stronger cry. She bent over towards the girl, her helmet directly in front of the girl's pained face. "Didn't you're parents ever teach you to respect your elders?" she questioned, annoyance and anger filling her mechanical voice. She dug her boot in deeper, the girl crying out even more.

Darth Necron swung her lightsaber down, the sound of energy slicing through a body echoing throughout the space. The sound of pained cries was cut violently short and Necron took a step back. Her body was shaking, her vision probably red. She was obviously past her own minuscule set of morals. It pushed her even further into the dark side. She spun around, a little bit of blood spattered onto her clothing and armor. It was not hers and it empowered her so much more.

"One more, old man," she spat, taking as long of strides as her short legs could allow. "Troopers!" she barked out as she reached the terrified girl, grasping a hold of her bicep and pulling her closer to her. "Kill them all! Every single last one!" she commanded, her voice sounding crazed. Her body seemed to vibrate in an insane excitement as the stormtroopers began to load up their blasters…

But a shot. A single shot rang out in the clearing and it hit its target. The target? Darth Necron's helmet.

It pushed the woman back as she let out a small scream in pain. Her grip on both her weapon and the girl loosened, causing both to escape. It also caused her concentration to falter and the once frozen man fell to the ground, the girl running towards him with tears running down her face. Necron's hands immediately darted towards her helmet, her body huddled over in obvious pain. Whoever had caused her pain deserved a pat on the back.

The sound of more shots rang out in the clearing accompanied by the sounds of falling bodies. Stormtroopers were dropping like flies. Only Captain Phasma and around ten stayed standing. Resistance soldiers poured out of the surrounding shrubbery. They had their blasters trained on Phasma and the remaining troopers, not Necron. How interesting…

Necron then stood suddenly, the sound of a helmet clattering against the somewhat muddy ground, rain starting to fall a little more consistently. She stuck her right hand out to the side, blood dripping from it. This time, it was her blood. Her lightsaber, which had rolled away, flew into her hand and not a second later it was turned on and humming. Darth Necron then spun around, revealing her face.

Blood was oozing violently from her left cheek. A burn mark stretched from the bottom of her jaw all the way to right under her eye. It ran all the way from the side of her ear towards the very side of her lips. The blast had completely torn off the side of her face. And one part was burned deeper than the rest. The left corner of her lips was no longer existent. It had been burnt through completely, now revealing a few white teeth.

Her face could be considered pretty otherwise. Her skin was a paling tan, as she had obviously spent time out of the sun under the garb and helmet she donned. A few freckles dotted her cheeks (well cheek now). She held a strangely strong jaw with nicely complimenting high cheekbones. Her nose was normal really, a slight bump on the length of it probably due to poorly mended broken bones. Her lips were medium in size, normal really. Hazel-blue eyes burnt with rage, normal eyelashes trimming her eyes. Angled, thick, dark eyebrows scrunched together as a form of showing anger. And the hair. The hair did not match the eyebrows one bit. Necron's hair was platinum blonde, nearly white. It was pulled into a now messy bun at the back of her head, two thick, wavy strands framing her face. Her hair was so light and she was so dark.

Necron's lips were bloodied, making them a deep red. She turned her head to the side and spit out even more blood, looking on in hate at the spot her precious body fluid landed. She then snapped her head to face the rebelling regiment, anger fueling her fight. She lifted her left hand as she walked strongly towards the fight, picking up a man. She threw her arm to the side causing the man to fly into a sharp tree branch. She didn't even flinch as the man was impaled by the dark branch, blood now dripping to the ground. Necron accomplished this a few times before another lightsaber was placed horizontally in front of her.

She stopped, barely saving her own life. It was obvious that she could feel the heat coming from the bright blue blade, as the rain droplets began to evaporate off of her neck. Necron tilted her head up slightly, her hazel-blue eyes staring down at the blue light. A look of remembrance crossed her eyes and quickly replaced the anger and hate. But it left as quickly as it came. The blazing anger and hate returned and her head turned to the side, her eyes searching for her new opponent.

"No more, _Ishana_ ," a voice spoke, a male one at that. It was strong voice, one that men around Necron's…Ishana's age held. It was a surprisingly familiar voice. And oh did it surprise Ishana.

Her eyes widened as they took in the man holding out his lightsaber towards her neck. Every dark emotion on her face seemed to melt away and only surprise, remembrance, and pure anguish replaced them. Her lips parted slightly, a little bit of blood now accumulating on her bottom lip. Her whole body stuttered in its actions then, almost causing her throat to land on the energy blade. "B-Ben?" she breathed out, stuttering over the man's name.

The man, Ben, stood there, towering over her figure. He held a fair pallor, his skin covered mostly by the clothing that a jedi apprentice usually wore. He had a long face, a pointed one at that with a strong jaw. His nose was much like his face: long. But it was strangely a good feature. He had very full lips. Dark eyes accompanied dark, thick eyebrows and black, curly hair. But the most intriguing part was the disappointment, pity, and sadness shown openly in those two dark brown gates to the soul.

And those emotions…those emotions made Ishana switch back to her previous self; she was back to being hateful and angry. Ishana threw up her lightsaber, pushing Ben's back, causing a clash of blue and red sparks. Ishana took a quick step back, almost like a hop. Her left hand dropped to the hilt of her weapon, accompanying her right hand. She held her lightsaber pointed towards Ben, who had been caught off guard and was recovering.

A narrowed glare placed itself upon Ishana's face, she obviously trying to emit as much hate as possible. "Ana," Ben said, a pleading look in his eyes as he held his own weapon up.

"Don't call me that," Ishana spat out, gritting her teeth in pain as the rain caused her wound to sting intensely. She gasped lightly, her eyes shutting tightly. This only caused the pain to intensify. "Just don't call me that," she tried to say harshly, though it came out almost like a plea, much to her obvious chagrin. Her body seemed to shake in anger and pain, though the latter was much more prominent.

"Ana," Ben pressed on, walking closer, his weapon still drawn. Ishana was now breathing heavily due to both pain and sorrow. She obviously had not been expecting someone from her past to show up. "This isn't you, Ana. All of this death and destruction, it's not you," he was obviously trying to reason with the evil woman but he didn't know one thing. This was all too natural for her.

"That's where you're wrong Ben Solo," Ishana spoke lowly, a new emotion overcoming her. She seemed annoyed and…disappointed at the fact that he wouldn't accept it. "This is _exactly_ all me. You can thank your _precious_ master for allowing me to see that," she spat, the rain causing her hair to become matted to her scalp and face. It irritated her very open wound, red now staining parts of her nearly white hair. "And soon, you will understand this is exactly you too," she spoke, standing straight now, wincing at her wound. Blood dripped from her jawline and onto the muddied ground.

She then turned, hearing a signal to retreat pass through an ear-piece she donned on her right ear. Ishana then had to rip her arm from Ben's strong grasp, hissing at the sudden contact. She then threw him back using the Force, not even acknowledging the grunt of pain he gave as he flew into a bank of mud. Ishana shut off her weapon and attached it back to her belt. She only took four steps though. Four steps that altered her life…and nearly lost it.

A slight click below her right foot caused her to look down in slight horror. A land mine. A damned land mine was placed under her foot. And she had just stepped on it. She had to give it to the Resistance, they were damn persistent in trying to get rid of her. But Ishana set it in her mind that she would not be easily eliminated.

She slowly looked around, her hazel-blue eyes trained now on a rock to her right. It was a little bit over ten feet away but if she really tried, she could jump near it and maybe roll behind it. If she failed, she died. If she succeeded…well, then she didn't know. But it was better than dying, something she was not a fan of. Looking back down at the mud and the land mine placed beneath her foot, she made a decision. She closed her eyes, wincing at the pain from her open face side. She took a deep breath in and jumped to the side.

A blast filled the air.

* * *

 ** _A/N: So there's my first chapter! I kinda eased into her perspective. I set her as being unknown, along with her feelings and thoughts. Then I showed her alias and how she acts and a 3rd person pov on her shown feelings. Then I showed her true self in a way, but not too much. I revealed her first name and some of her thoughts. That's the way I enjoy writing and I hope it wasn't too confusing nor boring._**

 ** _Also, this prologue is set around a year before Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren and went with the age of Ben being around 17-18 and Ishana being around 17. Then, I'll follow a storyline of a year before the events of SW:TFA and then delve into those events and perhaps beyond. I like character and plot development so that's why I'm taking the path stated above.  
Also, this story is rated M for a reason. Ya know the usual for me. Violence, language, and smut. I mean c'mon. Look at the rest of my stories XD  
Well, thanks for reading and I hoped you enjoyed this long prologue!_**

Love,  
P❤


	2. Chapter 1

**_A/N: So this will be a shorter chapter as I have decided to do around 3k+ words per chapter so I can update quicker (but this one is 4k+). If I make 'em any longer that allows for my mind to become distracted and I have to go to another fandom.  
Also, thank you for the 4 follows and 1 favorite! It means so much to me! Like ahh! Only one chapter and already I have people enjoying this story. Thank y'all so much! Enjoy this more transition of a chapter. Action starts around next chapter._**

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ **_I don't own Star Wars but I do own a little mini plush Kylo Ren, sooooo…nope, I'm still the owner of a dingy_** **_apartment_** **_and my OC. Dammit._**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

* * *

Ishana sighed at the memories of that night. It had been 10 long years since then and she had now reached the age of 27 years old. And how ironic! Not only was it the day of her birth, but it was the same day she had almost lost her life. Oh she had been so stupid. She could've saved herself the troubles that now plagued her life if she had been smarter. But now, she wished to be dead at times.

There was no longer a constant. Her beauty was gone. Her left side of her body practically useless. She no longer could do things she should be able to. She could no longer look at her face without feeling such an immense amount of anger. She had allowed the Resistance to tarnish her. And they would pay for that. Then, once they had, she would punish herself.

Not a day goes by where she didn't regret her decision. She should've called over a live stormtrooper or grabbed a substantial rock. It would've helped so much more. It would've allowed her to live freely in a sense. Sure the side of her face would still be ghastly, but it was better than this. This…situation she was in now. Multiple times she would compare most of her body to the ugly scarring on Supreme Leader Snoke's face. In fact, his scarring was prettier than her own. And that was saying something.

The last she remembered was the blast and the white hot pain that enveloped the left side of her body. She had made a crucial mistake in her plan to jump. She didn't think that it would do too much damage to jump to her right. Oh how wrong she had been. It caused the extensive damage done to her face to be worsened. The explosion caused flames and the left side was nearly burnt to a crisp. Oh how she remembered the flames biting and licking at her skin as she laid flat on her back in the mud.

She remembered her name get screamed out by him. She remembered him getting pulled back by the one who betrayed her. She remembered Phasma huffing in annoyance before picking her up. She remembered not being able to feel her arm nor leg. She remembered being laid onto the flooring of the shuttle, her blood creating a pool around her. She remembered the way the medic spoke quickly and quietly, his words not sounding good nor optimistic. But she had not listened to a single word. She only kept repeating the sequence of events that had just occurred.

Fast forward ten years and here she was, still pretty messed up. The look on Snoke's face when he had seen how close she was to death…it was priceless. He looked to have held a mixture of annoyance, anger, disbelief, and some more annoyance. Once she had healed somewhat, he began questioning how she had allowed the Resistance to take her by surprise. She simply made up a lie to keep the Supreme Leader appeased, and it had worked. He allowed her back into the Knights of Ren as their interim leader until Snoke got the right leader. And honestly, Ishana had been happy. She loved being in charge, but she hated having to deal with being in charge. Too much responsibility and too many expectations.

She then had watched as Ben Solo took up the role of Kylo Ren, somewhat smoothly transitioning into his new personality. He had turned to the dark side after both she and Snoke had messed around with his mind. Snoke was the main role though, using Ben's blood to tell him how he was destined for greatness like his grandfather. But he would need more training due to the light being inside of him too. Ishana had been lucky, only a little bit of light was in her blood and it never spoke to her like it spoke to Kylo Ren. She had been extremely lucky.

It had been nine years since Ben became Kylo Ren. Nine years since he became the leader of the Knights of Ren, taking her spot and demoting her (thankfully). Nine years since they stormed Skywalker's Jedi Acadmey and killed every single jedi except for him. They had failed in killing him and Ishana knew why. There was still too much Ben in Kylo Ren at that point, but now? Perhaps there would be little to none.

Ishana was a little startled from her thoughts as the sound of her cabin door hissed open. She hid it though quite expertly, something she had grown good at. Her back was to her door but she didn't need to see the intruder to know who it was. She was strong with the Force and could sense him, sense his essence. "You're late," she spoke lowly, her voice in its natural form. But her voice had grown raspy after the event and only now was it gaining some of its smoothness back. "You know how I am about being late," she hissed, a bit of annoyance lacing her tone.

"I was held up with General Hux informing me of our mission," the deep disguised voice of Kylo Ren rang out. He had spoken with a lazy tone, as if he could care less. And that's where Ishana got the most annoyed. His ego had inflated ten-fold since he had taken to the dark side. Now he believed himself too good at points to address her as his superior. She felt that it was insubordination and she almost always acted upon that thought. But today she was feeling…less than angered and annoyed.

Ishana scoffed and stood. She stood at 5'7 with her boots on and enjoyed it. No one paid her any mind without her heels, as she was then 5'4 in height. Unlike Kylo, she had not been gifted with a 6'3 height. No she was stuck at being short, where he was a monster in size. That probably didn't help his already huge ego.

Ishana shook her head from those weird thoughts and stretched for a second. She pulled her arms up and above her head, connecting her hands before pulling back slightly. She sighed in contentment as multiple bones popped and released the built up tension. Letting her arms fall back to her sides for a second, she rolled her neck around and enjoyed the same sounds of popping and the same feeling of release. She then rolled her shoulders around a bit and felt a weird popping in her left shoulder that was accompanied by a tense feeling. Oh shit, she thought to herself in annoyance. She would deal with her locked up joint later, for now though, she had business to attend to.

Ishana looked to her side, her long hair covering her face from Kylo's view. She still detested the way her hair was so…pure. The color was so off putting to her and no one would listen to her about it. Snoke had insisted she keep it like that so if she ever needed to do some undercover work, she could blend in easily (as long as she didn't have her lightsaber). But every morning she would wake up and feel the most annoying amount of self-hatred and hatred towards her mother and father. She wasn't gifted with the black locks of her father, who she had ended up killing. She was "gifted" with the white hair of her mother, who was also deceased but not by Ishana's hand. Her older brother had been lucky, he had been gifted black hair, something Ishana wished for desperately. And you know what he did? He went to the light side, becoming a jedi knight. He had thrown his talents away and that really pissed off Ishana. Oh well now though. He was probably dead like the rest of them. Or very much alive with Skywalker, that pessimistic voice hissed in her head.

Ishana sighed deeply and grabbed her helmet from its stand. She unclasped the annoying clasps, listening to them hiss. She then set it back down before pulling her hair into its signature messy bun on the back of her head, two thick strands framing her face. Ishana picked her helmet back up and pulled it over her head. She closed her eyes and felt the helmet's padding mold to her facial structure. After her old one had been destroyed, she had gotten another of the same exact formatting and design. Of course this one know had a form of gel padding inside, due to her…scars.

The sound of her helmet clasps and neck armor clasps connecting together caused her to open her eyes and look through the black openings that were her "eyes". They were simple black screens that acted much like one-way mirrors. She could see out but no one could see in. And that gave her so much more power.

She turned her head towards Kylo as she heard him give a huff of exasperation and annoyance. Ishana cocked her head to the side and a smirk formed over her lips; the latter invisible to Kylo. "Is there a problem?" she asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible with her voice disguiser. She stood there, arms crossed, and a hip slightly jutting out to the side. She hated Kylo getting on her nerves, but when she could push his buttons…oh she took every opportunity and abused it slightly.

"Yes there is," he stated confidently, walking into her room even more. Ishana rolled her eyes at his hostile stance. He was always like that now: hostile and annoyed. Now Ishana wasn't one of great heart nor morals nor patience, but even she could be less hostile and annoyed than Kylo was being at the moment. It was him being a damned man and having to exude his dominance every where he went. He continued walking into her room, now standing in front of her, towering over her shorter height. "You become annoyed at my tardiness then continue to make me wait," he said, annoyance filling his voice to the brim. "Now how is that fair?"

He was talking in such a condescending tone that it took every ounce of self-control in Ishana to not kill him right where he stood. She breathed in deeply, trying to keep her cool at the moment. But bubbling anger, annoyance, and hate threatened too deeply to boil over. She was able to tone it down, but she still exploded.

"You will not hold double standards over me nor believe you hold a higher ranking than me, _Kylo Ren_ ," she spat out, a finger digging into the black fabric covering his chest. "And, you will do well to _remember_ that," she finished with a threat. And her threats were not empty. Not now, not ever were they empty.

"Is that so?" Kylo asked, Ishana breathing heavily now in annoyance.

"Yes it is," she said with the utmost conviction in her annoyed voice. Her arm had fallen back to cross across her chest with her other arm. Her head was tilted up to make sure her "eyes" were looking directly into Kylo's.

They stood there for a second, challenging the other to back down. But there was no hope in accomplishing that feat though. Ishana would not stand down from this fight, as she never did. She never took a step back when it came to these types of situations. She never backed down. She never pulled away. She always pushed forward and held her ground and this time would be no different.

Ishana smirked behind her mask as Kylo sighed and turned his body slightly, motioning for them to walk. She had won once again, and this time she didn't have to push Kylo to surrender with words. She simply stared him down and pushed all of her annoyance and anger through to him through the Force. Ishana was lucky that way. Due to both her and Kylo being strong with the Force (him stronger due to his blood even if he was a "half-blood"), they had a mental bond that annoyed Ishana at points and made her praise it at other points.

Her hidden hazel-blue eyes watched intensely as Kylo seemed to freeze for a second before relaxing once again. Confusion and curiosity nibbled lightly at her mind but she pushed it away. Kylo would do this sometimes. He would get very quiet and then freeze up for a second after looking away. But he had never done it when he was Kylo Ren. He had done it when he was Ben Solo and this was the first time he did it as Kylo. It made Ishana believe that he had memories passing through of his life as Ben. Since Ben had done the same thing, perhaps it sparked a memory that could make Kylo more susceptible to the light. And if that was the case, Ishana needed to stop it.

But before she could speak sense into Kylo, he clenched his knuckles tightly and turned around. "Let's just go train and then we can discuss the mission," he spoke, obviously annoyed. Ishana rolled her eyes as he began walking. He sometimes acted like a whiny teenager and it annoyed her to no end. In fact, his very existence annoyed her to no end! He was a grown man, 28 years old to be exact, and he acted like he was a bi-polar 17 year old.

 _Well news flash Kylo! We don't all get what we want!_ she shouted in her own head.

 _Is that what you think?_ his voice held a teasing tone, one that was a little condescending too. Ishana groaned and her body slightly shook in annoyance with herself this time. She needed to keep her thoughts locked up far more tightly. She was acting like a toddler now, unable to keep her mind shut and that was a problem.

 _I agree_ , his voice rang out in the confinements of her mind once more.

She growled lightly, "You best stay out of my head, Ren. Or this sparring session will turn into an execution." This was the downside to an extremely sensitive Force mental connection. He could easily walk into her mind and hear any thought he wished to hear. Of course, she could do the same. But she found it tedious, as it required a copious amount of concentration. She was not good at concentrating like that.

Kylo stayed quiet as they continued walking down the hallways of the star ship they were stationed on. Ishana sighed in relief as he did not speak another word, nor intrude upon her mind. Well, the latter she wasn't sure about. She could feel a presence probing at the walls but none entered and he didn't speak through their link. But that didn't mean he wasn't there, as she sometimes thought he was. She couldn't judge, not really. For it was her job to be constantly ready to enter his, in case he needed that "push" as Snoke would constantly remind her. But she never intruded like he did.

Ishana watched as stormtroopers straightened as they passed by. She narrowed her eyes and felt an ache begin to pester her face and body. Actions brought memories. Memories brought pain. Pain brought suffering. And suffering was not something she wished to be put through.

But it was brought to her anyways. The heat of the blaster's shot searing through her helmet and into her skin. The feeling of skin basically melting off of her face. The sticky heat of blood burning her face and staining her hands. The pain that came with tearing her broken helmet off as it chaffed against her no longer existent cheek. The feeling of anger and utter pain that had consumed her body.

Those stormtroopers that day had all straightened before she walked past them and them doing the same thing caused her to feel this itch of pain. She closed her eyes at this moment and decided to use the Force to continue walking. It would guide her to her destination…hopefully. That or Kylo would drag her there in annoyance and she would get a kick out of that.

But no matter how much she tried to distract her mind, the memories of the incident caused her paranoia to increase. It also caused the memories of the land mine explosion to surface. The blaster memory was _nothing_ compared to that memory.

* * *

 _A blast filled the air._

 _Ishana felt the force of the explosion push her away, and further past the rock. She felt this intense pain consume her body. Not just her body though. It was her whole left side that sky rocketed with pain. Time seemed to slow down. Seconds turned to agonizing hours as she flew in the air, her body slowly going into a barrel roll. She could not feel her arm and side. But what was even worse was the fact that she could only feel numb static in her leg, mainly from the bottom of her knee to her toes. But this fact didn't concern her. Nothing but the excruciating pain that consumed and licked at her body mattered._

 _The air traveled calmly by her. It gave her slight comfort, little kisses to her newly exposed skin. It gave her light caresses, stroking the fabric and skin of her body lightly. But it did nothing to rid of the pain._

 _Time sped up, faster than ever. Ishana was looking towards the cloudy sky one second and then the next she was face first in the mud. A groan of pain escaped her bloodied lips. A loud ringing could be heard in her left ear. A small ringing could be heard in her right ear. The mud stung as it buried into her face wound, blood and muddied water mixing violently. She felt a shred of grass dig deep into her exposed muscle, causing a cry to rip from her mouth._

 _"I…ana!" she could barely hear her name being yelled out by Ben. Why would he be crying her name? He's the one who aided the side who placed the land mine! This angered her, causing her to attempt to push herself up with her right arm. She would kill him for this. This was all_ his _fault! Ben Solo and his precious master would_ pay _for this!_

 _"Da…Ne…n," Captain Phasma's voice went in and out of her hearing. She felt her body get rolled over, a scream tearing through her body._ _Pain_ _. So much pain. "Get…med…ow…" Phasma commanded._

 _Ishana writhed in pain as she felt armored hands pull away at the fabric that was burnt into her skin. Her left arm laid limp while her right arm clawed at an arm attending to her. Her eyes were wide open in this crazed state, making her look more like a rabid dog than a severely wounded human. Blood was bubbling at her lips now, along with saliva. The two mixing was not a pretty combination. Her right hand grasped the armor of the person, not really able to visibly comprehend who it was._

"I…I'll…kill 'em all!" she threatened, looking directly at the person, but not able to see them. Her vision was as good as gone at the moment, as the blood loss was getting to her. It was making her desperate, oh-so desperate. She had a thirst for blood and she was determined to get it. She wanted Ben Solo's blood. She wanted Luke Skywalker's blood. She wanted every Resistance fighter's blood. She wanted them to all burn like she had. She would destroy them all!

 _She felt a hand press down on her left side, right under her rib cage and she howled in pain. Ishana began to claw (with her only useful arm) at whoever was doing this. Whoever was causing such…suffering. She felt her back arch off the ground, her teeth ground together. A third scream ripped_ _through her body, shaking her to her very core. Red, hot blood pumped through her veins and out of her body. She felt her heart speeding, trying to push the blood quicker as she lost more. She felt the flames still nipping at her skin. She felt hands pressing into her side fervently. She felt someone pick her up after pushing pounds of gauze onto her left side. She felt pain torturing her body._

 _But as her head fell back, her vision returned for a second. It graced her with one image. One image that made her cackle in insanity and pain. Ben Solo's eyes held such anger and sorrow. And they weren't pointed towards her. They were pointed towards a man named Luke Skywalker holding him back._

* * *

Ishana snapped her head up as she walked into the back of Kylo Ren. She gave a growl, accompanying Kylo's own. Both were out of annoyance. She was annoyed that she had allowed herself to become oblivious to the outside world. He was annoyed that she had run into his back, that much was obvious. But as Ishana took a step to the side so she could walk astride Kylo, he pushed his left arm out in front of her.

Before she could gripe at how he doesn't have the right to stop her, she looked down. Oh, that's why, she thought. They were standing on a ledge, a very familiar ledge. In the star destroyer they flew in, there was a good area to spar. No computers, no screens, no buttons. It was a completely barren room that was huge. Ishana didn't know why it was like that, but she thanked the Force every time she entered it. It allowed her to unleash her anger and allowed her to fight with Kylo freely. There was never any holding back with them. Well, there was if they had a mission the next day.

The only way to get down to the room was through a large, central duct in the ship. This was it. They would have to grapple down a few levels, but it was never difficult. In fact, Ishana found it extremely easy, whilst she knew Kylo had a few…problems with it. It was simply their height that caused pros and cons. She could grapple faster and move across the walls and pipes with ease but she couldn't reach too far and needed an extra boost from the Force to jump. Kylo could reach higher and further, and he could also jump with ease. But he had issues with moving as quickly and quietly as she did. There was also another catch. They had been specifically told by Snoke not to do risky things. This qualified as risky.

Ishana sighed as Kylo made a move to go first. "Didn't you ever learn that it goes 'ladies first'?" she sassed, both hands on her hips. She couldn't believe she was wearing her cloak at the moment (something she never did when she knew they were going to the room). This was going to be a disaster if she wasn't careful.

Kylo had already lowered himself on the ledge and onto a pipe so his helmet was the only thing visible now. "And didn't you ever learn to keep your eyes up whilst walking?" he sassed back, dropping down onto another pipe. Ishana watched in small fury as he disappeared down the duct. That man would be the death of himself one day. Him and his damn ego would get him killed and it wouldn't be just any other death. It would be by her hand because she promised. And she never went back on a promise.

* * *

 ** _A/N: Ahh. Good to get this transition chapter outta the way. Welp. I hoped y'all liked it (as I'm kinda grimacing at it right now). But yeah…imma just go sit in the corner of #lonelyaf and go type up the next chapter. Love y'all!_**

 ** _Love,  
P❤_**


End file.
